Where am I?

Yes, I am still posting over at my other blog.  I had planned to cut the cord long before this, but somehow I keep posting over there... plus I am perpetually behind on things to post and keep telling myself that I'll switch back to this blog after a certain point.  There are still a couple of "milestones" I want to post about on the "Journey" blog, and several bouts of flu and such at our house over the past month have worn me out and squelched my blogging energy,  Sooooo... please keep checking over there and one day very soon I'll be back here!

Missing Natalie

Natalie at five months

Natalie's first birthday, August 2007

One year ago, my sweet, beautiful baby niece Natalie died after an accident.   She was a fighter, and so brave, but ultimately her injury was too severe and the Lord took her home.  The past week I have marked the days thinking of what happened each day between the accident and the morning she died.  This has been a week of sad anniversaries for our whole family, but my sister, brother-in-law, and older niece have felt their hearts breaking all over again.   She was just 14 months old.  

I had seen her on just 6 different occasions in her brief life.  We were lucky enough to see her (and the rest of the family, of course) just about a month before the accident.  I treasure those times.  How I wish we'd had more!  A few days ago, my sister sent some photos of the girls, and many were of Natalie.  Some I don't remember seeing before.  I cried as I went through each picture, remembering and wishing I could hug her just one more time.  Wishing I'd heard her call me "Aunt Kimmie", or giggle at Mark's funny faces again, or play the "Crab Game" with Emily.  Wishing we'd had more birthdays, and Christmas together, and that she'd been able to meet her cousin Anna Kathryn on this side of heaven.  

Tonight, I can't find the words to write about all that is on my mind and in my heart.  Sometimes there are just no words.  Hillary, my sister and Nat's mother, wrote a beautiful post tonight about her daughter.  But I wanted and needed to write just a little in honor of this special girl, now our angel, safe in the arms of our Heavenly Father forever. 

Surfacing

Hello... hello... anyone out there??

((crickets chirping))

I'm jumping back into the bloggy world after a three-week break.  I posted over at Journey to Anna Kathryn tonight, but I'll be returning to this blog in the next week or two.  See you over there!

Showered with Love

Mark and I have been "showered with love" by so many friends and family over the past 2 months as we prepared to bring Anna Kathryn home.  My parents, grandparents, sister, and aunts and uncles have expressed love in so many ways and have helped us with all kinds of things we needed to travel!  

Mark's mom went shopping for Anna Kathryn before we came to Ohio for our visit and gave us a little shower of her own.  I was so surprised and delighted!

About a month ago, my college friends and I gathered to host a baby shower for Emily, who is due very soon!  Leslie, Reagan, and Allison helped paint the nursery pink -- a major transformation from the turquoise blue (my stepdaughter's color scheme when the room was hers).  

Mark posted some Scriptures and wishes for Anna Kathryn before painting-- writing it on the walls so she will always be surrounded by blessings.  

The painting crew:  hard at work...

The nursery is still a work in progress, but here is the best shot so far (Reagan, this is for you!)

We still have pictures to hang, and there is a bit more furniture in it now (dresser and changing table).  I am trying to get much of this done before we leave, since we will be preoccupied with Baby when we get home.

The staff at my school gave me a lovely, spur-of the moment baby shower last Thursday. The staff went in together and bought the car seat that I hoped for. It's so very cute and very, very safe! They also brought donations of baby clothing that we will give to the Poyang SWI, to help with the clothing shortage and as a way to give back to the place and people who have cared for Anna Kathryn for the first 10 months of her life. It was a wonderful afternoon and I felt so loved and encouraged!

Visiting with friends at the shower:  

As usual at times of high emotion, I cried when they led me over to the gifts and I saw all of the clothes, the diaper cake, and the adorable car seat.  

Jamie and Ashley made the diaper cake-- almost too cute to use!!
Some other friends are hosting "Meet Anna Kathryn" showers after we return from China.  I just can't wait!  It will be so much fun to introduce her to the people who have been anxiously awaiting her arrival along with us.  

New travel blog!

Here is the link for the new blog that I've set up that is dedicated to journaling our trip to China.  I'll be posting on this one exclusively when we are in China.  I invite you all to follow our journey to bring Anna Kathryn home!

Journey to Anna Kathryn

http://journeytoannakathryn.blogspot.com

Someday

This morning I listened to the Bob and Sheri AM radio show on my way to work, as I do every day.  Since I usually leave for work around 7:35 (or 7:43, as was the case today), I pretty much always hear the topic for the "chatroom" segment, where people call in and talk about the topic of the day.

Today the topic was "someday"-- what are the things you were told would happen someday? Or what is something you told yourself would happen someday?  Maybe it did, maybe it didn't.  

I really wished I could stop the car and take the time to call in to tell my story, because my someday is finally around the corner.  Mark and I have been longing for children and (one way or another) trying to have children for about 4 1/2 years now.  It has been the greatest struggle, test, and grief of my life.  

Infertility has challenged everything I thought I knew about the world around me, my faith, my marriage, my relationships, and my personality.  There have been many tears and frankly, much anguish as we worked through the loss of some dreams and finally embraced new dreams.  I have struggled with doubt, anxiety, worry, and fear on a nearly daily basis.  

I also learned that I have the strength to endure when I just thought I might not be able to get up and face each day.  My marriage has been strengthened by the toughest times, and Mark and I have grown closer than ever through this experience.  My faith has been tested, yet it has also been refined by the fire of grief.  I am a person who wants control over every area of my life, but I have learned to lean on the Lord's provision and strength instead.  

For years, I have longed for someday rather than today.

• Someday, we'd get to call our families with the news that we were expecting a baby.
  
• Someday, I'd get to watch Mark play hide and seek and tag  and make goofy faces with our babies.
  
• Someday, I'd get to shop in the baby section of Target without feeling like I was trespassing and all the real moms would know I didn't really belong there.
  
• Someday I'd get to attend a baby shower for my baby.
  
• Someday it wouldn't hurt so much when another friend or family member announced their pregnancy-- I could be happy for them without feeling so very sad for myself at the same time. 
  
• Someday, my arms would no longer be empty.
• Someday, I'd get to tuck my baby into bed after reading a bedtime story and hearing prayers.
  
• Someday, we'd get to experience a joyful Christmas with our little one.
  
• Someday, we'd get to see the 5 "big kids" play with their little sister or brother. 

• Someday, we'd get the Call from our agency that we had been matched with our baby!
  
• Someday, we'd be packing a suitcase and planning the trip of a lifetime.
  
• Someday, we'd board a plane to take us 7,000 miles from home.
  
• Someday, we'd arrive in a government office in China and a baby would be placed in our arms.
  
• Someday, I would be a mom at last.
  

My someday is finally just days away.  I  actually know the date of my most special someday ever.

Honestly, I can hardly believe it.

I think it's gonna sink in at 9:58 next Thursday morning as we get on that plane to take us to Anna Kathryn.

We're going to China!!

We leave September 11 and return home on September 27 with Anna Kathryn!  Gotcha Day will probably be on September 15 or 16.  

After the frustration of this week Mark and I are so excited... and relieved... and excited!  Yesterday we heard that more consulate appointments had opened up and that AWAA was trying hard to get their families into those slots.  I tried not to get my hopes up too much, but of course I did anyway.  We didn't hear anything further the rest of the day, and we went to bed wondering (hoping) we'd hear something today, before the long Labor Day weekend.  

I even checked my e-mail at 10:15 last night, hoping to hear something... if only I'd been a few minutes later!

This morning when I got to work and opened up my e-mail it was waiting in my inbox:  an e-mail titled "Concrete Travel Dates."  I gasped so loudly my media assistant came running in to see what was the matter.  

So the day has been a blur of grade level meetings (I scheduled myself to do a media center orientation for the faculty in all three grade levels), e-mails and frantic phone calls about flights, and confirmation of plane tickets.  

We have one minor issue to deal with, still.  I also got an e-mail stating that the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou does not have any record that we were re-fingerprinted last December (which we had to do to renew our paperwork for USCIS, which allows us to bring AK into the country as a US citizen.)  We got our updated form in late April, after we finally made it through the homestudy update.  I panicked for a minute, then settled to down to figure out what to do.  I tried calling 4 times, but never did manage to talk to a human.  I ended up leaving work early, going home, scanning our official document, and emailing it along with a rather pleading message to the Charlotte USCIS office.  Hope they get it and send along the information ASAP.  Please pray that we get this particular bump smoothed out quickly.

So, this weekend, we are cleaning closets (and my grungy house), making lists of stuff to pack, and gathering what we need.  I can hardly believe we have plane tickets to China!  In 2 weeks, we'll be there, and a few days later, our daughter will be in our arms.  As Allison would say-- wowzers.